One Finger Two Finger Three Finger Oh My

I've been asked on many an occasion, what I consider myself to be a Top/Bottom Dom/sub that sort of thing. For the longest time I would always say a sub, well because I love to give and please, and not have to think too much about my pleasure, but there a few situations that had me have to rethink that drastically. One such time was brought to my memory after bumping back into the person it happened with not that long ago. 

I had developed quite the kinship with a love man-child that lived in LA. I was down and out, on my last 200 hundred dollars and had reserved myself to the fact I would be packing it in and moving back to my hometown. It was all rather depressing. It was October during my favorite time of the year and Halloween was just around the corner. A flurry of contact had been going back between my friend and I, and the topic of Halloween came up and what were my plans for said festive day of the year? I hadn't really thought about it since I was getting ready to have to pack my things. He had a suggestion, a really outrageous suggestion that would be completely impulsive and irresponsible of me if I were to take him up on it. "Come to LA for Halloween and stay with me." It was crazy, completely nuts but some little voice in the back of my head stood up and yelled out. "FUCK IT!" That my lovely children is just what I did. I checked the bank account, searched around on line for plane, bus and train even the gas it would take to drive there myself  found the best price and booked everything for a go. My money was spent and I was going to LA for Halloween. 

I have been to LA a hand full of times but it never held that Ooo Ahh kind of feeling for me. It was always just another crazy town. Still it's always nice to have your own personal tour guide take you around all the stops in a lil convertible car just because you can. It's all the hole in the wall places I liked the best and the stolen bum squeezes hand holding and kisses stolen along the way. The first night we shared together was lovely simple sweet fun with giggles and tom foolery the only way a man-child like personality can provide. It was almost like fucking Peter Pan, you know if he was in his 30's hot and German. 

The week flew by, it had been fun and lovely. It was our last night together and there was to be something a bit special on the menu for this evening, I just didn't know it yet. The play began as usual, all fun and giggles when my play partner needed to excuse himself for a bit. When nature calls... He was gone for a bit, and when I say that, I mean a bit more than your standard bit, especially when sex is on the line. So I lay there and wait, for about 10 maybe 15 minutes or so... Like I said it was a bit more than your normal bit.... Finally my play partner had returned! Pretty body glowing in the street lights seeping in though the cracks in the window blinds made it's way back to me and tumbled me back under the sheets. Play continued and it was fun and giggly and sweet. He was strong fucker considering he looked each other eye to eye flat footed. I wound up on top and rode my lil pony for a while till he pushed me of and plopped me back on my bum just below his knees. There was a coy smile on his lips. Damn he did that well, better than me even, would have to ask for some pointers later.

So there I am straddling the cutest German boy with the cutest little pout and he whispers in that cute fucking accent about giving him my hands. I do and then they are slowly pushed back down his body but past the spot I thought they would be placed they kept being pushed, down the thighs and being wrapped ever so gently under round a nice tight ass. Slowly spreading cheeks and there it was. Now at this point and time I myslef had barly had any experience with lovers even flirting with that part of my body let alone having someone else presented to me in such a bold yet cute fashion. It was bizarre.... Damnit he was being so fucking cute though it was kind of hard to say no. At least I knew why he was taking his time in the restroom. Which I was very appreciative of I mean never been to this end of the world before at least the first time it's clean.

I get shy, I mean shy as shit... I know not something that you may imagine for moi. Still some more play some more coxing and the fucking cute as grin and luscious lips rapping round my fingers before he slips my hand down between his legs again. Okay okay I'm horny, he's cute and purring in my ear just right begging and pleading for it, and I do like to make people happy. One finger slips in.... Oh and the cooing that comes from out of his throat. I get turned on I mean like really turned on. I'm making him do that? Two fingers.... cooing turns to a moan. Oh I am totally doing that. There was a tingling that ran from my had all the way through my arm to the rest of my body. He tilted his ass so I could to him easier, he was rock hard. I'm doing this. The third finger slides in like satin an oh my.... He started to thrust back and light growing asking for more harder faster head back and for some reason in that accent it was all just too easy. On top of his body baring down just the tiniest bit it was such a powerful moment, intoxicating actually. I felt drunk with strength and a bit of power. Either way I was giddy and my partner was more than pleased. There was tumbling giggling and more fun before we where both left sleepy and tired from our little adventure. Curling into two little balls of blissful lust we drifted off to never never land.

Mine is Bigger than yours

So there is something that I truly enjoy when it comes to play time. I by nature am a "giver". I love to please, there is something so wonderful about hearing the whimpers and sharp breaths being sucked through lips and teeth. They asked, with either words or eyes, you give, they receive and damn if their heads don't roll back and a smile curls up on the corner of my lips, like the cat who caught the cannery. Got ya. ;)

Now being a said giver, I like to make fantasy come alive for a lover. What ever it is that tickles their pickle and puts that goofy ass smile on their face, I am more than happy to comply. One request that has become a bit more popular over a year or so. "I want to watch you." It's such a intimidating, scary, sexy, hot and ego boosting request. Perform for your lover become a full on live action porn to turn them on, make them want to fuck like the a ravenous beast in need of flesh, (umm yes please). Once in a while, just once in a while, there is one more lil twist that is thrown into the mix something that sounds so innocent, but truly is so very fucking loaded... "Do you have any toys?" Oh Darlin, do I have any toys... Does the pope have a million fabulous hats?

I don't know if guys really know what they may be getting themselves into when they ask this question. I mean it's the heat of the moment and all you can think of is lust, what could be hotter, what would crank it to that extra level, really put it over the edge? I understand these things oh yes, but when in the those moments we do not think it all the way though, we just want and want now. With this being said, I can't speak for all women BUT when it comes to my toys, I tend to only use them where there isn't a playmate to be had. So lets just say that my toys are a bit "more" to help ease my need. So requests are made and I, like the very thoughtful and giving lover I am, I bring out the toys. Hot sticky messes are made, sighs of satisfaction are had and yep there is that grin again. Then tick tick there is a moment, "ummmm" he says. You roll on your side prop our head up in your hand, "yesss?", you see the eyes dart back and forth across the ceiling looking for the word.s Tick tick and then it slowly trickles out. "am I big enough for you?" Oh sweet baby jeebus here it is, Pandora's box has been opened and there is no unseeing the things that just happened, honestly you don't really want to unsee because to be honest that was hot as shit but still, ya the toy is a bit on the bigger side, not huge or monstrous mind you, but ya a bit... bigger.

Okay boys listen up cause I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Yes mine is bigger than yours, BUT!!! Mine does't have hands with nibble and hungry fingers to touch and tease my skin, mine doesn't have lips to kiss, mine doesn't have little surprise moves that make me squeak and squirm, mine can't whisper naughty nothings in my ear making the hair stand up on the back of my neck. You see boys, with out all those lovely extra appendages in the mix with your oh so very lovey manhood's, a girl sometimes needs a little something extra to make up for the lack of fingers, lips, hips and all the other yummy things that make you, you. Fair trade I'd say, but please do be careful what you ask for. ;)

Fucked so bad....

Have you ever been so frustrated so hungry that you can taste the blood on the inside of your mouth from your teeth chew away your cheeks.

Have you ever had the ache inside your stomach that you writhed and pulled at your flesh to feel what it is that is amiss.

Have you ever stood and heard the sounds of rapture floating down to you, skin on skin, metal shifting, and needed that for yourself.

Listening waiting for the encore of some great pleasure only to be cut short by your own lust.

You stand and look at your hands, they are on fire, you can smell the smoke rise into the ether above you where the sounds of pleasure floated, and then died.

Thinking its my flesh that should be hot and sweaty, it's my hair that should be pulled till my back arches, waiting for the all familiar sting of the whip as it falls across my cheeks.

You stand, wanting to be striped naked to be bare and open, you wait for the words to pierce your ears, "you are mine" before you are enveloped by the smell, the hands, of the body that you imagined while alone in your bed at night.

You burn, you shake, your skin becomes flush with desire and you want, god do you want to be that thing, that one thing they desire most in that one second. The lighting in the eyes as they look over your trembling flesh.

You want to loose yourself and let the pains and anger of the day melt away with every thrust, with every sigh, with ever quivering moment, then breath and beg for more.

Have you ever wanted to be fucked so bad.....

Down the Rabbit Whole

I never wanted to think of myself as someone for having a "type". I never wanted to think I was that simple or predictable. I was though, and if you throw and accent on to it.... Ya I was a total sucker for a type to be sure. It would be that type, that would so unassumingly lure me back into the dark little secrets that I had tucked away in the back of mind from the first time that I had felt a cock penetrate and rip me open.

There were many things that I was exposed to that pointed me down this dark and velvety wrist tied world, but there was one thing that was so undeniable, so very much, "shit I think I may be a bit stranger than I thought", moment it scared the crap out of me. I couldn't resist it though even if I wanted to, its hold over me was too strong, stronger than my lovers lips and breath on my neck or their fingers gripping my hips. It was all so innocent it just started with this man's voice. The thought of it now makes the edge of my lips curl, dear god how could I have almost forgotten? The memory was brought vividly back to my mind, and when it did fully reform a long forgotten chill, hunger, fire, what ever the hell you want to call it consumed me. Even exhausted as I was from my day I had to find it again, remind myself of the words, the ideals, the meaning behind the infatuation this man created deep within my body with just words.

He was a thousand miles away, I never physically felt his finger gently wrap round my neck, I never actually felt his lips brush my ear, but when I heard his voice as it dropped deadly low, and serious and heard him say those three little words, "You are mine" the uncontrollable chills, my body couldn't stop from shivering, hair stood up on the back of neck, my flesh was covered in goosebumps, my nipples ached. My god I could do nothing but shiver as if I was stripped naked and thrown out into a heavy over cast morning. My mind could think of nothing else in that moment than I will do anything to make him happy. I was his, to do with as he pleased, and he would keep me and protect me for he was also mine. His words possessed me and without even a touch, I felt his fingers rest gently round my neck, forming their little circle, every time he would say those three little words. How dare I, how could I have almost forgotten the most crazy and amazing feeling my body has ever had? I suppose time is needed to heal the scars people leave on us before we can look back and remember the good. Thank you Mr. Stephen Streeter.

Learning the Rules

I was 21 when I had broke it off with my fiance. He was my first. I can remember crying the first time he entered me on the living room floor of my grandmother's house late one night. I was watching it for her while she was away, it was the first time we could be alone without the parent element threatening every cracked bedroom door. I had made him wait, and he did so very sweetly. I was nervous, I was going to hell if I did this, but I loved him, and he loved me,so it made it okay. He wanted to marry me, he asked me to be his wife after only being together for two weeks. I laughed at him then told him was nuts, but here I was on my back, getting a slight case of carpet burn on my back while my boyfriend forced his (though I didn't know it at the time) large cock inside me. God it hurt, there was a feeling of tearing, my whole body was shaking. I bit my lips and whimpered like a lost puppy. After the first few minutes it got easier, I got wetter. I had no idea what was happening to me. All I could do was dig my nails in and hold on as tight as I could and wait. I relaxed a bit my body still shivering it was so over whelming, I didn't cum per say, I had no idea what an orgasm felt like? I had never touched myself to know what one would feel like on my own let alone a shared one with a partner. Now looking back it wasn't any kind of traditional orgasm I am familiar with now, but it was something, I cried and shook. Was this what love felt like? This completely over whelming and consuming sensation of two people trying to force themselves into one body?

I scared him, he didn't know I was crying. I had bit it back behind blistered lips and puppy like whimpers. My tears made him cry. He begged for forgiveness, he never meant to hurt me, he never wanted to hurt me. He cradled himself in my lap trying to disappear, rocking, holding me, kissing my flesh begging me to tell him it was okay. I wiped my teas and told him I was fine, it only hurt for a little bit and that they where just tears of joy and over whelmed sensation. He had done a fine job I did enjoy myself and more than anything, the tiny thing I tucked away and kept for myself.That pain, the feeling of his length and girth stretching and tearing at me, hitting the back of my pussy like a giant iron cast door knocker did hurt, but it hurt in the strangest and most delicious way, and then I was curious and need to find out more.

After three years and a lot of empty promises, I found myself no longer loving my partner. I didn't miss his presents when he was away. His touch didn't thrill, his voice didn't ring in my ears or make me smile. I took to just jerking him off when he was horny. I would lay next to him, lightly moaning and rubbing against his thigh. It kept him appeased and let me off the hook. I left him and moved back home. 21 and living back with my parents not my best moment but it was better then where I had been. I found myself revisiting a few old web boards my ex had introduced me too. WBS for any of you old school web surfers of yore. I was greeted by some old familiar handles, it was nice and of course stared coming across some new ones as well. One in particular was very fascinating and a fast friendship was crafted.  

A Player is Born

                      A Player is Born:

It was all innocent enough, he was an old, although some what notorious, acquaintance of my group of friends, who had found their way back after years of hiding away under a rock working on school. I had heard the name, I think we even worked at the same mall for a time, years ago? I was working on the admin side of a new campaign that some of my buddies where putting together. He was brought in for some advisory help. We worked mostly through the website message boards for brain storming and the like. He liked some of my ideas, his banter was witty. This went back and forth for a bit till there was a BBQ to be held  at the Bhouse, and I invited him to come out and be part of society again, he obliged, it was nice. He was shorter than I expected with a face that was deceptively younger than what you would think, until you got a little closer and you could see the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. His eyes were a crazy hazel color they change shifted so quickly with his mood, and most importantly they dilated when they saw me. We laughed over beers and got to know each other a bit. We agreed to coffee next week which lead to hanging out at his place for a movie a few days later. A movie became a make out session that soon turned into all the sticky fingered activities your demented little minds can come up with, and maybe then some. He was my first after the half decade long relationship I had just left not that long ago. Being with him was surprising it's like I had forgotten what passion was like, the hunger and excitement you feel when you are with someone new. There were new touches and positions and most of all there was this energy! This would be the first time that I had ever felt something like that, I was still fairly naive to to the different kinds of love making at the time or play or non ordinary sex if you will. My world was still fairly vanilla with only the slightest hints of red, black and blue sprinkled on top. I had talked a good a game, but then again I could always weave a beautifully colorful tale from my more than flesh filled mind, but my physical world was still very much black and white with a mere 15 shades a gray. I had only just begun to understand my own personal power and energy and how to use it with just my own mean of focus, but to feel someone else use it on me during sex? Fuck me, no really please do that again.

After two or three rounds of this sort of thing talking was a must. I at this point and time I had not done much in the way of casual encounters, with out them usually becoming something more serous and usually very quickly at that. It was either poof they moved there TV into my house and I guess er were dating, of the real poof of smoke and mirrors and I never saw them again. I knew I wasn't really ready for something permanent. After six years of a gilded cage, I wasn't quite ready to be cooped up again, no matter how nice it felt to feel passion again. The oh so very tiny bit of a good little christian girl that still poked the almighty guilt stick into my chest was rearing her pain in the ass little head. So we talk and we agree that there is no use in being "together" in any sort of a committed fashion, he had to dedicate his time to school and focus on the final goal, I was fragile and still trying to figure out who I was after being newly single and getting back to just being me. So it was agreed we were to be friends who enjoy in the sweet decadence of carnal flesh from time to time, with the one rule... If either one was to start seeing someone else that that person would tell the other out of respect, common courtesy and well fucking safety to be honest. Simple right, there should be no problem with maintaining this, is just one simple rule and the back bone of it being, just be fucking honest... Or so I thought.

So time flew by and day visits turned into nights with warm bubble baths drawn, dinner to eat, wine to drink fallowed by coffee and a kiss before getting a pat on the bum on my way out to work. A few days a week we would play out our little scenes, it was our ritual, it was fun and it wasn't even always about sex? Some days we would just geek out on movies or tech and laugh, sharing our history and our thoughts on the future. It was becoming comfortable... Almost too comfortable. I'd never been use to being treated almost like a princess.

There was a fire set and he began to fan it with curious ideas of things that were always just mysterious idea to me and even a little scary I could hear the screams of the little christian girl again running for her life as smile crept across my lips and face was flushed with blood. Temptations from my past started to come back and haunt my present while possibly sneaking into reality and no longer just being some fictional fantasy fueled by strangers. They were strong suggestions being placed before me by my now lover. . 

In the Beginning

I can recall the first time I ever caught myself spewing out the phrase, "Don't hate the Player, hate the Game", I laughed so hard I snorted and then nearly peed because I was laughing so hard. I couldn't believe I just fucking blurted that out?! Was I actually a "Player" I mean I had a nice list of lovers and a fairly busy social life, but did that really make me a player? I went home that night and picked up my old journal, the little black book of conquests, wild and sometimes wet nights the turned into days... I read back to the beginning and I realized, It wasn't till I came face to face with a real "player" and managed to beat him at his own game with out really knowing it ,that I came to understand my own instinctual strengths in the game of seduction.

I was a late bloomer if you will. Kept in check by my religious upbringing I was scared to death of sex. It was already bad enough that I was an artist by nature but to have these urges, the feelings of want and knowing that they were just one more brick in the basket of tipping me into hell, I kept myself under wraps in the hopes to keep myself from a after life of damnation. Hell my first kiss wasn't till I was 16 (painfully cliche I know fucking blame Molly Ringwald) even then I was asked by my kissing partner, "are you sure you've never done this before?". It was to be the first time of many to fallow of similar accusations.  When I was finally unfurled I found my instincts where stronger than I could have ever imagined. It wouldn't be till much later on and after two failed committed/monogamous relationships that I would truly find out how strong those natural instincts really were.

I look back and recall my first boy friend teasing me as he says, "you just ooze sex and you just need to deal with it" I didn't get it then and I wouldn't get it till that day when I came face to face with a real "player" a true PUA. He wasn't my "type" there wasn't much about him physically that would have drawn me to him, but there was something later I would finally understand it was his confidence and charisma that's what sucked me in. I caught him off guard, I would find out  afterwards that he never thought I would consider him. Then again like I mention in a way I wouldn't have but there was something about him. So we entered an adventure that would build me, break me, and make me become someone the 18 year old me could have only dreamed of.