In the Beginning

I can recall the first time I ever caught myself spewing out the phrase, "Don't hate the Player, hate the Game", I laughed so hard I snorted and then nearly peed because I was laughing so hard. I couldn't believe I just fucking blurted that out?! Was I actually a "Player" I mean I had a nice list of lovers and a fairly busy social life, but did that really make me a player? I went home that night and picked up my old journal, the little black book of conquests, wild and sometimes wet nights the turned into days... I read back to the beginning and I realized, It wasn't till I came face to face with a real "player" and managed to beat him at his own game with out really knowing it ,that I came to understand my own instinctual strengths in the game of seduction.

I was a late bloomer if you will. Kept in check by my religious upbringing I was scared to death of sex. It was already bad enough that I was an artist by nature but to have these urges, the feelings of want and knowing that they were just one more brick in the basket of tipping me into hell, I kept myself under wraps in the hopes to keep myself from a after life of damnation. Hell my first kiss wasn't till I was 16 (painfully cliche I know fucking blame Molly Ringwald) even then I was asked by my kissing partner, "are you sure you've never done this before?". It was to be the first time of many to fallow of similar accusations.  When I was finally unfurled I found my instincts where stronger than I could have ever imagined. It wouldn't be till much later on and after two failed committed/monogamous relationships that I would truly find out how strong those natural instincts really were.

I look back and recall my first boy friend teasing me as he says, "you just ooze sex and you just need to deal with it" I didn't get it then and I wouldn't get it till that day when I came face to face with a real "player" a true PUA. He wasn't my "type" there wasn't much about him physically that would have drawn me to him, but there was something later I would finally understand it was his confidence and charisma that's what sucked me in. I caught him off guard, I would find out  afterwards that he never thought I would consider him. Then again like I mention in a way I wouldn't have but there was something about him. So we entered an adventure that would build me, break me, and make me become someone the 18 year old me could have only dreamed of.